


spiral of ants

by KiraYoshikage



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, Masturbation, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 08:37:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7677556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiraYoshikage/pseuds/KiraYoshikage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>you can't remember where you came from, you can't remember where you're going</p>
            </blockquote>





	spiral of ants

Pearl stared at the ceiling of her room, her eyes briefly flicking to the alarm clock next to her bed. It read the same thing as it had the last two times she checked: 6:32. A half hour before she would usually get up and get ready to go to class with her girlfriend, Rose. This wasn’t uncommon; she woke up early very frequently, but today…

Pearl turned over onto her stomach, staring into her headboard. Parts of it were starting to get hazy, but she remembered most of the dream that woke her up so abruptly. In the middle of some odd, pink, cloudy void...all alone, except for--

_“Pearl, sweetheart, won’t you touch me?”_

Pearl felt her face flush and shoved her face into her pillow, stifling the brief shriek that came out of her mouth. The dream wasn’t quite as blurry as she wished, apparently. Still crystal clear in her mind was that image of Rose, beautiful Rose, standing above her.

In her mind’s eye, Pearl’s gaze drifted from bottom to top-- lingering on Rose’s soft thighs wrapped in silk stockings, her wide hips adorned in lacy black lingerie, her generous breasts left bare but surrounded by some odd, strappy harness. Pearl was briefly horrified to remember seeing it during one of her many humiliating late-night internet searches.

In the dream, Rose had been so loving, so doting, cradling Pearl’s face and roaming her warm palms up and down Pearl’s slim figure. Her heart felt fit to burst and her body felt hot, aching for touch, and just as Rose was about to drift her hand where Pearl needed her most, she jolted awake in bed.

Blearily, she had mumbled out a question as to why Rose had stopped before realizing that it was a dream and nothing more. After all, she and Rose hadn’t been anywhere close to that intimate with each other. Not that she didn’t want to-- her subconscious made _that_ glaringly obvious-- but Pearl wasn’t sure how Rose actually felt about that sort of intimacy. Frankly Pearl wasn’t sure how she herself felt about actually getting that intimate with Rose. Now, regardless of Rose’s feelings, all Pearl knew was that she was left with a dull throb of arousal pounding through her form, making her face flush and her nerve endings buzz.

Pearl spun around again and put her hands over her eyes. Usually, she’d take a cold shower or practice her stretches and go on with her day, but sometimes she’d get a certain image stuck in her head, and be left...uncomfortable. And with an image like _that…_

Pearl looked at the clock again. 6:35. If she was going to do something about it, it’d have to be now or never. Pearl kicked the quilt off of herself, exposing her skin to the cool air of her room. She shivered, even the small change in temperature feeling dramatic on her sensitive skin. Despite this, the warmth emanating from her body made even her small brown camisole and plain white underwear feel like too much. Pearl sat up, whipped off her cami and laid it down on the floor next to the bed.

Pearl laid back down and closed her eyes, focusing on the image dancing through her mind. There she was again-- Rose, so beautiful and so bare in front of her. Pearl could almost hear her voice now.

_“Oh, Pearl, honey, look at you. You’re all worked up.”_

Pearl nodded gently, her eyes still shut tightly.

_“You’ve been so good for me...let me take care of you.”_

Idly, Pearl ran her hands up her stomach. Her hands reached her breasts and she hesitated; she usually didn’t like touching her breasts, but maybe Rose would. Maybe Rose would want to touch her everywhere she could, to drink her in like a fine wine.

Pearl began to gently knead her slender fingers into her breasts. Pearl keened involuntarily, the sensation feeling much better than it ever had before. In her mind’s eye, it was Rose’s soft hands working into Pearl’s sensitive flesh, her face moving down close to Pearl’s neck and kissing it, whispering sweet words into her ear.

_“You look so wonderful. You deserve this.”_

Pearl felt her hips buck upwards once out of her control, reminding her that there were other spots on her body that desperately needed attention. The illusory Rose next to her took notice of it as well, and Pearl felt her face heat up in embarrassment.

_“Oh, poor thing! I forgot I left you like that already. Can I help you with that, sweetheart?”_

Pearl took a moment before nodding, her hands creeping down towards her underwear-- which, also to Pearl’s dismay, she could feel had already been ruined by her eagerness. The dream Rose giggled next to her.

_“Oh no, my poor dear, you should’ve told me you were in such dire straights!”_

Pearl flushed again and closed her legs. She didn’t want Rose to think of her like this, some horrid sexual deviant waking up in a puddle of her arousal every morning…

_“Shh, shh shh. I’m just teasing. You’re fine, I promise.”_

Rose’s hands ghosted over the top of Pearl’s thighs, easing her fingers inbetween and easing Pearl’s legs open. She hummed a gentle tune as her fingers hooked into the waistline of Pearl’s underwear and gently pulled them down below her knees and around her ankles.

Pearl felt her hands slide up the insides of her thighs until her trembling fingers met with the soft fuzz around her core. She slid her fingers across herself, and felt the incredible amount of wetness that had accumulated there. Pearl whimpered as she ran her fingers up and down her slit; she realized that she had begun to mutter under her breath- small pleas for relief, anything.

_“It’s okay, sweetheart. Are you ready?”_

Pearl nodded once more and felt Rose’s fingers spread her open gently, with a finger tracing circles around her clit. Pearl groaned and bucked her hips up again into the hand, needing more.

_“It’s okay, it’s okay. I’ll give you whatever you want, sweet thing. I’ll give you whatever you want and more.”_

All at once her fingers went from tracing a gentle circle to rubbing frantic figure eights up and down her slit. Reflexively, Pearl moaned out loud. Normally Pearl hated vocalizing when she pleasured herself, or rather she just hated the idea of being heard. Right now though, Pearl didn’t care; the moans were sweet in her ears, and in the ears of the image of Rose above her. Rose smiled deviously, and leaned down to kiss Pearl’s neck.

“Oh, Rose, Rose…!” Pearl gasped, and moved another hand down to meet her other; she easily slid two fingers into her entrance, and pumped them in and out, grasping for the sensitive patch inside that made her toes curl up and her stomach coil around itself. A voice inside Pearl’s head told her to calm down, to _get a hold of herself for God’s sakes,_ but the Rose next to her started whispering louder instead, encouraging her, begging her to keep going.

_“Please, faster, I want to see you come. I want to see you come undone right in front of me…”_

Pearl bit her lip, and with that the hot coil of arousal that had been building in her stomach snapped taut. She was so close, so close…

“Rose, please, more…!”

**“Pearl?”**

The string snapped, and Pearl was overwhelmed by her climax; she felt herself clamp around her fingers-- or weren’t they Rose’s fingers?-- and her hips bucked upwards, her muscles locked in place until it finally passed her over.

She fell back into place, breathing heavy, but noticed there was something different about the world around her. The sound of someone else breathing…?

Pearl opened her eyes and for a moment, she was not surprised to see Rose standing at the foot of her bed. However, her outfit was different now-- a long skirt, a shirt adorned with the name of a band she liked, and a bag around her shoulder. She wasn’t dressed like that before, so…wait...

“R-Rose?” Pearl said weakly. She hoped it wasn’t what she thought. She prayed for the brief moment, but it seemed her prayers went unanswered as Rose clapped her hands to her face.

“Oh my god, Pearl!” Rose said.

 _“Rose!”_ Pearl said, shooting up. This wasn’t an apparition this time, it was her girlfriend, her _actual girlfriend_ standing at the foot of her bed and looking at her naked and-- Pearl grabbed her quilt and held it over herself, trying to cover some sense of her dignity. But how long had Rose been standing there? Did Pearl even have any dignity left to spare?

“Pearl, I’m so so so sorry-- oh my god, I’m so sorry I’ll be in the living room, oh my god I’m sorry!” Rose rambled, putting one of her hands over her eyes and groping for the doorknob. When she finally grasped it, she stepped back out of the room, slamming the door shut.

Pearl sat there quietly for a moment, then spun her head around to look at the clock. Pearl blinked a couple times, thinking she must be reading it wrong, but there it was-- it was 7:20. She had gotten completely lost in her fantasies for almost an _hour?_ Then, Pearl realized the exact gravity of the situation: Rose could’ve been there the entire time. What if she was? Watching her just wank herself into a complete fugue, completely naked and-- Jesus Christ she definitely heard Pearl yell out Rose’s names a couple times, so no point in trying to deny that, and now-- Rose was going to break up with her, there was no way she wouldn’t break up with her, watching something like that--

Pearl shook her head violently to shake off the anxiety stabbing into her like so many pins and needles. She scrambled out of bed, tripping over the soiled underwear still wrapped around her ankles and hitting the floor. She wrangled her feet out of them and went to her closet door, pulling off a powder-blue nightgown hanging on a hook on the front. She threw it over herself, shoving her arms through the sleeves and tying it shut before she threw open the door and chased after Rose.

Thankfully she was still there in the living room, but Pearl was stopped short at the sight of Rose staring at the door, her hands nervously wringing the strap of her bag slung across her chest. Pearl could almost feel her heart breaking apart. Yes, this was definitely the end.

“I...R-Rose, I…” Pearl started, but felt her throat choke up. Hot tears stung the sides of her eyes. Rose turned to her, frowning deeply.

“Pearl, I’m so so sorry,” she repeated. “I came over here early and I heard you call my name and I thought you were in pain and-- I’m so sorry.”

“How...much did you see?” Pearl asked, but the question felt dumb as soon as it came out of her mouth.

“A...decent amount…” Rose said, looking away.

“I’m so sorry, Rose,” Pearl mumbled. “I don’t want you to think of me like that, and I-- I’d understand if you want to leave me.”

“Leave? You mean, like, _us?”_ Rose said, gesturing between the two of them. “Honey, why would I ever leave you over this? I was afraid you’d dump _me!”_

“Dump you?” Pearl asked. “No, no, no, Rose, I would never leave you over this, this is my fault, that wouldn’t be fair--”

“Your fault? For what?”

“I…” Pearl started, mouth working over itself as she thought herself through. “I didn’t know...I don’t know how you feel about...intimacy. And I just thought you weren’t interested, or it would’ve come up by now…”

“Oh, no, hon, I thought you weren’t interested!” Rose said. She took a step forward towards Pearl, who took a step back out of reflex. Rose stopped, and continued speaking. “You admonish Amethyst so much about her crass jokes, and you seem so uncomfortable when the topic of sex comes up around our friends...I thought you were completely disinterested.”

“No, it’s not that,” Pearl said. Her gaze stayed directly at the floor next to her feet. “I’m…”

Seeing her bare feet on the carpet below her made Pearl remember she hadn’t showered yet. She probably reeked of overnight sweat and morning sex. Lord, she hadn’t even washed her hands. Pearl’s eyes flicked upwards at Rose; she was saying something, but Pearl realized she couldn’t hear her. 

Instead Pearl wondered how disheveled she looked, and how appalled Rose must be. A hard buzz settled over her body, like static on her nerve endings, and a bubble of nausea began to grow in the pit of her stomach. Dreamily, Pearl realized Rose was having to stare at all of her. Not just the shaking girl in a robe in front of her, but also the girl Rose had walked in on-- the one whimpering Rose’s name, fingers buried knuckle-deep into herself, now with her cum drying on her hands and her sweat still soaking into her bedspread. All of her, all at once...

In an attempt to anchor herself, Pearl hugged her arms to herself and took another wobbly step back from Rose. As she did, her hearing returned to her.

“...Sweetie, can you hear me?”

“I’m...I’m sorry, what?” Pearl said, focusing her eyes on Rose.

“Come here, let’s sit down, okay? You look so pale.”

“No, I need to-- I need to shower first. I’m filthy, I’m disgusting--” Pearl said, and turned to go to the bathroom, but yelped in surprise as she felt her legs give out from under her. Rose leapt forward with surprising dexterity, and managed to catch Pearl before she fell over. Rose looked into Pearl’s eyes, and Pearl found herself speechless.

“You’re not disgusting, and the shower can wait for now. Please sit down with me?” Rose asked, a gentle smile on her face but worry knit into her brow. Pearl wanted to say no, to insist on the shower, but Rose’s smile brought a stillness to her heart for a brief moment.

“C...can I wash my hands first, at least?” Pearl asked. Pearl could feel her fluids still on her hands, drying and settling in...She needed those gone at least, and then she could start to save face from this entire disaster.

“Alright, hon. But let me help you.”

This wasn’t the first time Rose had had to help Pearl through a rough patch. It certainly was the first time Rose had helped her through because of something like this. It was humiliating, as it always was, but considering the inciting event, this was worse, far worse.

Rose leaned Pearl on her arm and walked her to the sink in the kitchen next to the living room-- really, they were the same room, the only difference was in floor tiling-- and turned the faucet on. Pearl seemed to resume her usual demeanor as she quickly scrubbed her hands clean under the water; even when emotionally compromised like this, she hated being wasteful.

Once Pearl’s hands were dried, Rose offered her arm to her again. Pearl took it gingerly, and was led to the large beanbag in the corner of the living room. Pearl remembered how they both had laid on it many times before, watching whatever blasé garbage Amethyst put on to drink wine to. Rose sat down first, leaning Pearl into the cushion next to her.

Pearl felt Rose’s warmth mingle with the softness of the beanbag underneath her, and felt her emotions beginning to reorient. She was fine. She was fine, Rose was next to her, Rose wasn’t going to leave, so long as you don’t touch her with those hands, those _filthy hands--_

_“Pearl.”_

Pearl’s head whipped around to meet Rose’s face.

“Did...you say something?” Pearl asked gently. It’s not that she wasn’t listening, she just didn’t hear it. It’s different.

“No, you were staring at your hands again…” Rose said, then took one of Pearl’s hands into her own.

“Don’t--!” Pearl said, yanking it out of Rose’s grasp.

“Sweetheart, you washed your hands already, it’s okay. I promise,” Rose said. “I don’t think you’re horrible.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I know, I know,” Pearl said, clenching her hands into fists. “I’m sorry you had to walk in on that, I’m so sorry…”

“Pearl, it’s my fault. I came over early without telling you, and I definitely shouldn’t have just barged into your room without knocking.”

“I just wish you didn’t have to see that. That’s not me.”

“What do you mean?” Rose asked.

“I'm not like that, I'm not some base sexual deviant.”

“That wasn't sexual deviance. Why would you not want it to be you?”

“I don’t-- What?” Pearl asked, her eyebrows furrowed.

“You obviously wanted to masturbate, so why--”

“Don’t say it like that!” Pearl hissed, one hand suddenly clutching at her own robe.

“That’s what it was, honey.”

“I know, but...Look, Rose, I know. I know it’s not wrong. I’ve been on the internet, I’ve looked up sites, I’ve learned. I’ve learned a lot, and I know it’s not wrong, so don’t say it’s not.”

“Then what’s the issue?”

Pearl paused and closed her eyes. Vague flashes of memories passed by, none of them pleasant. Her mouth opened, then closed, then opened again, and yet no words could come out.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Rose said. Rose’s voice was smooth, gentle; a curious lilt across the air and in Pearl’s ears.

“I want to. I should. I should talk about it. I should…” Pearl said, trailing off into a whisper.

“Take your time…” Rose said, gently placing her hands over Pearls’.

“I’m...I’ve been walked in on, before...during,” Pearl muttered.

“Mm, I figured. I’m so sorry,” Rose said, frowning.

“No, but...the thing is, last time, the one who walked in was…” Pearl closed her eyes. “My father.”

“Oh no, not your dad…!” Rose said, wincing. “Jeez, that can’t have been fun…”

“You don’t understand. I don’t talk much about my parents, Rose, because I sort of...cut myself off...from them. And this was a large part of what led to that.”

“Oh, I didn’t…” Rose shook her head. “Go on, please.”

“So, the issue was, one night, I...I was fourteen, and I was on my computer and...I had just finished studying, and I still had another hour before bed, and I was just bored, you know? And my classmates had just had their latest round of family life education classes--”

“Family life what now?”

“Sex ed, but the teachers didn’t want to call it that. Growing up in the South, you know.”

“Ohh, yeah, understandable...”

“Anyhow,” Pearl continued. “My parents were-- _are_ fairly religious, and in the worst sense, so my parents exempted me from the classes. No sense in learning it before I got married, or some such nonsense.

“Nevertheless, I heard my classmates talking about what they saw in hushed whispers. Giggling about pubic hair, fallopian tubes, the vas deferens, whatever had a lot of syllables and sounded funny. You know how it is.”

Pearl turned back to Rose, who was looking like she was suppressing a few giggles herself. Pearl quirked her eyebrow questioningly.

“I-I’m sorry, I just remembered the phrase ‘nocturnal emissions’. I’m not laughing at you.”

“Oh, erm...yes,” Pearl said flatly, and waited for Rose’s giggles to die down before resuming her story. Although, Pearl honestly didn’t mind Rose’s giggle fit. Her bubbly laughter was like sweet honey in her ears, and right now Pearl wanted to drink as deeply as she could get away with. It would give her the strength she needed to continue.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Continue please,” Rose said.

“It’s okay, really. My point being that I had heard about these things, and I had a laptop. So I did what any sensible closeted lesbian does at the tender age of fourteen--”

“--Oh no--”

“--and just did an internet search for ‘naked women’. To learn more about my own body, of course, and not because I wanted to know more about female bodies in general. You know the justifications.”

“Naturally,” Rose said, giving another short peal of rejuvenating laughter.

“In retrospect I’m not sure what I expected to find,” Pearl said, staring into the ceiling. “Diagrams, perhaps, but instead all I found were sites with...a lot of smut on them. And I continued to explore those infrequently, even though I knew it probably wasn’t good to look at women this way. Especially as a woman myself.

“Nevertheless, teenage hormones kicked in and I sometimes began...touching myself while looking at the sites. Idle investigations, nothing more, really. But, the only time I was close to climaxing, I was a bit afraid because something was happening. I kept going, though, because I had skirted the edge a few times before, and I just wanted to see what would happen. Just as I crossed the point of no return, and I realized how good I was feeling, my father opened the door to check on me.

“So there I was, sitting in my chair, naked from the waist down, staring at a picture of naked women kissing, and quivering from having just finished. My father saw everything, and to say he was horrified and furious would be like describing a tornado as a stiff breeze. He immediately took away my laptop and my phone, started forcing me into nightly bible reading sessions, and most importantly of all, instating a ‘no closed doors policy’ with the only exception being using the restroom, and even then I wasn’t allowed to fully close and lock the door.”

“Oh, my God,” Rose said. Pearl took the moment to look at her face, and saw that her expression was now deadly serious, any traces of the immature gigglefit from before now completely erased. One of Rose’s hands had risen up to cover her mouth in surprise. Oddly, but not surprisingly, Pearl felt her heart sink.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to worry you,” Pearl said, looking back down at her hands.

“Please don’t apologize for this,” Rose said, reaching both of her hands for Pearl’s and cradling it gently. “Please don’t.”

Pearl felt another apology start to creep its way out of her mouth, but she bit her tongue and nodded. She took one more deep breath before finishing her story.

“Thankfully, since my grades were at the top of my class, I graduated valedictorian from high school, and got dozens of scholarship opportunities. I could’ve gone to Harvard or any of those Ivy League schools, but really I just wanted to be away from my parents. So I came here. I understood it had a fairly high queer student attendance, and that seemed like the place where I would be safest. I haven’t spoken with them since I started college.”

“Oh, honey,” Rose said, and embraced Pearl. “I’m so sorry. I was sort of coming at this as like...a goofy sitcom kinda thing, y’know. If I knew how serious this was to you…”

“It’s okay, Rose, really. I’m sorry I hadn’t brought it up with you yet, but...I was just afraid of moving forward,” Pearl said. Pearl resumed staring down at her hands, wringing her fingers inbetween each other. There was a moment of silence before Pearl resumed talking, her voice hitching briefly.

“S-So, you don’t want to break up, then…?” Pearl asked, her voice very quiet.

“So long as you don’t break up with me for walking in,” Rose said, smiling.

“I don’t, I definitely don’t.”

“Good! Because, ah…” Rose trailed off, a faint blush dancing across her face. “I don’t, um...you…I don’t know how to say this…”

“Say what?” Pearl asked.

“You, um...Please, I’m not trying to tease you or anything, but…” Rose stuttered. “When you hadn’t noticed I walked in yet, um…”

Pearl marvelled as Rose seemed completely lost for words for one of the first times she had ever seen. While Rose’s mouth struggled to form the sentences she needed to express, her hands drifted back to Pearl. However, instead of softly holding Pearl’s own hands, they rested on her thigh, gently moving up and down. Pearl’s heart began to race at the sensation; even through the thick fleece of the robe, Rose’s hands still felt as soft and warm as she had imagined they did.

“It was really…” Rose continued. “Really hot. I’m sorry, it was just-- Pearl you’re beautiful, you’re really beautiful and watching you call out my name like that was...oh, my…” Rose began to fan herself with one hand for emphasis.

Pearl’s mouth dropped and she raised her hands to her face. In all of the excitement, Pearl had been far more focused on the fact that she was caught masturbating, and forgot that she had been touching herself _specifically while thinking about Rose_ and _calling out her name, out loud._

“Oh my God…” Pearl said, and pulled her robe up around her head, closing it tight over her face, hiding the atomic flush spreading over her face and neck.

“Nooo no no no!” Rose said, moving her hands up to try and wrangle Pearl’s head out of the robe. “Nooo Pearl I love you, don’t hide away!”

Pearl dodged as best she could, but eventually her face was revealed to the world once more, and this time met with Rose peppering her red cheeks with small kisses. Pearl groaned in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry sweetheart I really wasn’t trying to embarrass you, you’re lovely and a dear and you deserve everything and more,” Rose rambled inbetween kisses. Pearl muttered something indecipherable even to her under her breath and huddled in close to Rose, keeping her face hidden. Rose held her tightly, kissing the top of her head numerous times. Neither of them moved, choosing just to enjoy each others’ embrace for the time being.

After a while, Rose woke from her fugue and looked around the room, and then gasped.

“Oh, shit,” Rose said. Pearl shifted her face upwards to look Rose in the eye.

“What’s wrong?” Pearl asked.

“Oh, nothing, it’s just, ah...it’s almost a quarter to nine…” Rose said, laughing.

“What?!” Pearl said, shooting up and looking at the clock on the wall. Indeed, the hands showed that they had been talking and laying together for almost an hour and a half. “Oh my God, we missed calculus!”

“It’s okay, I don’t mind,” Rose said, still laughing. “Look, let’s take today off, huh? Your grades are okay, right?”

“I mean, yes, but this might bump me down to a B+ in--”

“You’ll be fiiine. I promise. Let’s just take today off and spend it together.”

“Are you sure?” Pearl asked. Rose nodded, smiling brightly.

“You wanted to take a shower, right?”

“Oh, heavens, yes…” Pearl said, looking down at herself. Most of her anxiety had passed, but she still wanted to properly cleanse herself. “Do you mind?”

“Well, about that, I had an idea, actually…” Rose said. A mischievous smirk spread across her face.

“What…?” Pearl asked. Pearl didn’t like that smirk. That smirk never led to anything good.

“How would you feel about taking a shower...together?” Rose asked, looking Pearl right in the eye. Pearl’s heart jumped into her throat.

“Wh-wh-wh--” Pearl stammered, clutching the lapel of her robe. “What?”

“We don’t have to!” Rose said, raising her hands up as if to protest innocence. “It’s okay if you don’t want to, I’d totally understand.”

“Why-why-why w-would you…”

“Pearl, I know you assumed I wouldn’t be interested in getting intimate with you,” Rose said, lowering her hands back down. “But I am. And if you want to be intimate with me, I want you to not be afraid of taking those steps forward.

“You can take those steps as slowly as you want-- you can even not take them at all, if that’s how you feel. But either way, I want you to make this decision based on what you want, not what you think I want. Okay?”

Pearl looked to the ground, her cheeks flared and new, shameful tears stinging her eyes again. Her free hand flew to her eyes and wiped the tears away; she was tired of crying about this, of stressing over every time she found herself longing to have someone in her bed, of feeling like she failed her parents every time they called her and she struggled not to pick up the phone.

“I’m done…” Pearl muttered, sniffing.

“What?” Rose asked, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Er, sorry, I said okay,” Pearl said, looking up. “I...don’t think I want to take a shower with you yet, but I want to move forward, like you said...Is that alright?”

“Of course, absolutely!” Rose said, smiling brightly. “You go ahead and shower, and I’ll be right out here. Maybe I’ll make us some pancakes or something!”

Pearl nodded, and walked past Rose to the bathroom, opening the door and closed it behind her. She let out a huge breath, willing the stress to fall away from her shoulders.

Pearl walked to the tub and turned the knob, letting water peal out of the showerhead; she watched the fat drops hit the floor of the tub briefly before turning around and shuffling her robe off of her. She hung it on a hook on the door, and in the corner of her eye she caught her nude form reflected in the mirror to her right.

Pearl gently turned to the mirror and looked at herself; pale skin that, save for a smattering of freckles on her shoulders, was unmarred, though Pearl could swear she saw the stains of dirt and sweat that still lingered. Her hair was as she expected, unkempt and fluffy, with some still matted to her forehead. Her eyes were still red from the earlier frustrated tears.

And yet, inbetween all these imperfections, Pearl was surprised to find she didn’t hate what she saw in the mirror. She wouldn’t have gone so far as to say she loved what she saw, but...for the first time in a long time, looking in the mirror didn’t feel quite so searing on her own skin.

Pearl turned her head to look at the door again, then switched her look between the door and the mirror a couple times before reaching for the doorknob. A pang of fear pierced her heart, but before it could spread Pearl turned the knob and opened the door just enough to poke her head through.

“R-Rose?” Pearl called out. Rose turned the corner, smiling.

“What’s up? Everything okay?”

“Actually, ah...do you still want to join me?”

Rose’s eyes widened briefly before the gentle smile on her face turned into a wide, goofy grin.

“Really??” she asked. Pearl took another breath and let it out before nodding.

“Please, Rose. I’d really like it, actually.”

It was a bit of a bold step forward for Pearl, but she couldn’t deny it-- if Pearl could see herself without judgement, then she really wanted to see how Rose would see her. 

All of her, all at once.


End file.
